How to Deal with Anxiety
Today, I want to share with you some of the things truly helped me get my anxiety under control and improve my quality of life tremendously. So as most of you probably know, if you have been following me for a while, I have been struggling with chronic anxiety for quite some time now. In this, somewhat lengthy video, I tried to summarized my greatest learnings and understandings of the self-help book The Worry Trick by David A. Carbonell. So the first thing that is important to do in your journey to "recovery," is understanding what anxiety truly is. You can define "worry" which is basically the same thing as anxiety as an involuntary, more or less irrational "what if" statement that seems to point out to some imminent danger, or worst case scenario. You need to understand it's normal to feel worried sometimes, everybody does. "Normal" people experience ordinary worry occasionally; they worry when they are in trouble. People who suffer from chronic anxiety, worry constantly about subjects that normally should not be trouble. It degrades their quality of life, and they often feel emotionally uncontrollable. Two important facts and concepts brought up in the book are that real danger awakes your amygdala which reacts instinctively which leave no time for your cerebral cortex to argue about potential threats. So if you do have time to think about several possible outcomes, chances are you are not in any real danger, otherwise your fight-or-flight instincts would kick in. One of the most important teachings of the book is called "The Rule of Opposites." In the book, the author often explains how worry is a very counterintuitive problem, which means it requires counterintuitive solutions. If you have been struggling with anxiety for a while, you probably have tried various way to rid yourself of worry. Since anxiety is a counterintuitive problem, the anti-worry tricks you have tried probably only made things worse. Here is a quick list of things you might have tried that have not helped as much as you would have wished :
internal debate
ritualistic response (superstition)
internet research and consulting experts
avoidance
over-cognitive restructuring
distracting yourself
thought stopping
use of substance
comfort food
depending on a particular person or object for reassurance
Remember that blaming yourself won't do you any good. As a matter of fact, anxiety is an evolutionary trait that was passed on genetically to help you survive. This instinct meant life or death back in the prehistorical age. Worrying is a natural consequence of evolution meant to keep you safe. There is no need to demonize it, just learn to work with it rather than rid yourself of it. It is simply how your brain passes time, it just plays around with potential scenarios and try to solve them, but does not necessarily indicate any real issue.
Now that you understand a bit more how anxiety works, what it is meant for and why your brain plays with it, and know what you have been doing wrong, let's see what you can do to change your relationship with your worries and actually make it less of a constant problem in your life, and perhaps even learn to have fun with it! I know crazy right? 1. Count your worries A good way to start become more aware of your worries is to pay special attention and start counting them. An easy way to start, is to use a pack of mint or tic tac and taken one out (eat it or throw it out) every time you catch yourself worrying. That way you can catch it and stop yourself from taking the bait or at least become more self-aware. 2. Stop blaming yourself and change the way you look at worry As I have discussed earlier, remember that this is an evolutionary trait, and that you can't control it, you can only learn to work with it. 3. Humor your worries As counterintuitive as it seems, trying to joke around and play with your worries will make you less sensitive to it. Try exaggerating your worries by replying to your own original worry with something worse and escalate the "argument" until it makes no more sense. That way you will become more accepting of the worry so it matters less to you. 4. Use repetition Stand in front of a mirror and repeat your worry out loud 25 times. You will become less sensitive and the worry will lose its power. Writing it down over and over again will also help it lose its power. 5. Use the "AHA" principle "AHA" stands for :
Acknowledging and accepting (the part about understanding it's not your fault, and recognizing your worries for what they are).
Humoring worry (play around your worry by exaggerating it; other things you could do include writing a song, worrying in your second language, worrying with a foreign accent, or writing structured poems).
and finally returning to your Activity (not to be confused with distraction, but simply getting involved with your external world which will direct your attention and energy to your activity).
6. Have a "daily worry workout"
What Dr. Carbonell considers a "daily worry workout," is basically creating habits that will help you deal with your worry thoughts on a daily basis :
Make "worry appointments" : every time you come across a worrisome thought, mark it down, and schedule a specific time in your day or your week to go over it. Sometimes, you will forget why it worried you so much in the first place, and if you don't, then you can take your time humoring it on your appointment.
Watch yourself worry out loud in a mirror, it can truly make you more self-aware.
Breathing exercises : belly breathing and other breathing exercises can help you calm down in the case of you running into a worry thought.
Mindfulness meditation : meditation has similar benefits to breathing exercises. I personally use the app Headspace, it provides hundreds of different themed meditation sessions.
7. Sharing your worries with someone who cares about you
Not in a depending way, but just having someone to understand you and support you through your recovery journey can make a huge difference. 8. Therapy You are strong, I do not doubt that for a second, but sometimes having a professional giving you the right tools and support is key to helping improve your relationship with anxiety. You can definitely visit a counsellor or therapist in your area, but if you prefer an online setting or can't necessarily afford a 160$/h therapist, there are online platforms where you can find the help you need. I have been using the website/application Better Help. It is an online platform that links you to a licensed therapist with whom you have a private chat where you can reach them at any time and can get quick replies frequently. You can also schedule as many live sessions as you want per week. They have an app for your phone so you can access it easily and they also have group therapy available for different issues. 9. Journaling your thoughts Journaling can help you get some perspectives on your feelings. Whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, taking the time to sit down and gather your thoughts down on paper will help get a better understanding of what is truly going on. Having a gratitude journal can also help you find positivity in your life. Sometimes when you are feeling down, you may have trouble seeing all the great things that you have in your life. 10. Ground yourself This is my last tips for you all today, and unfortunately I forgot to mention it in the video so I hope you read this because it is something that really helped me when I was going through tough times. My therapist introduced me to this concept. It simply consists of picking a single thing in your immediate environment when you start getting overwhelmed and focus your attention on that one thing. You can anchor yourself on a particular sound, a particular object or person, a specific sensation like your feet in the sand on the beach, or your head on your pillow in your bed, etc. This is kinda like breathing, where it helps you gain some perspective and distance on your current situation. So that seems to be everything that I have for you all today. I can say will all honesty that David Carbonell's book The Worry Trick has been an incredible tool to accompany on my journey to learning to live with anxiety. Therapy and having an incredible support system (aka my husband Tim) have also been essentials to my recovery. I can now say that I believe I am on the right path and my problems with anxiety have diminished greatly. I hope this video and this book can help you with your struggles. Thanks for taking the time for reading this! Good luck, love,
Laurie
