The Five Love Languages
Hello beautiful souls, Today I would love to share with you what I have learned while reading Gary Chapman's book The Five Love Languages last year! The book starts by explaining how everyone has a love tank and what determine whether your love tank is full or empty is the perceived amount of love you are given, especially by your significant other. It also explains the difference between the "in-love" experience we go through at the beginning of a relationship where everything is perfect and all is good and when reality settles in, you face obstacles and the daily routine sets in and real love can begin. According to Chapman, real love is a choice, we must decide to show love to our significant other, or their love tank will become empty. And for them to perceive the love you are giving them, you must communicate in their love language which may very well be different from yours. You must both learn to speak each other's love language for your relationship to flourish. Here are the 5 love languages introduced by the author : #1 Words of Affirmation Verbal compliments, words of appreciation, encouragement, using kind words rather than nagging or sarcasm, forgiving... #2 Quality Time Giving your undivided attention to the other, finding activities you are both enjoying, having quality conversations, self-revelation... #3 Receiving Gifts Physical, visual symbols of love, thought rather than cost matters, gift of presence/self... #4 Acts of Service Doing what the other wishes you to do, avoiding criticism and demands as those lead to resentment, request by love rather than manipulate by guilt or coerce by fear... #5 Physical Touch Holding hands, kissing, hugging, having sex, etc... In the book, you can find an extensive test that both your partner and yourself may take to figure out your primary love language, but you can also most likely figure it out by...
finding out what hurts you the most from your spouse;
finding out what you request the most from your spouse;
figuring out the main way you express your love.
Remember that it is not because you express your love in your primary love language that your significant other feels what you are communicating and he or she may also not be expressing their love in your primary love language either so you both need to work on this together and communicate your needs and intensions!! What do you think your primary love language is? Maybe you have more than one, what are they? If you have a partner, what do you think their love languages might be? love,
Laurie
